Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Randomize
