I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
