did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
