My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize