it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
