Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
