rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
40s are totally the cure
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
