We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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