yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
