at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i think my cat just said my name.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
