I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
