i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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