This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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