fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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