i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
