...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
