he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
