She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
