Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
