It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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