Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
