went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
