the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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