Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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