We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
