I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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