omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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