we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Everyone says I win the strip club
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
