i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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