Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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