so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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