i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
