If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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