I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
