I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
