Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
