I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am available for nakedness
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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