don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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