I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize