let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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