Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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