I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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