even my farts smell like vagina
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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