She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
