it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
