In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I skipped work to stalk him.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
