I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
