the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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