I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
