Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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