This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
