my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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