it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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