I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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