I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
