Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
