Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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