Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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