My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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