im having a threesome with these popsicles
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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