That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Enjoy the penises
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
