He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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