I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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