susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
