her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
