I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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