I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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