i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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