I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
