So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
