Where is the hickey?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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