RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
