he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
