Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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