When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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