I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
