Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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