Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
