We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
