I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
did i just pee glitter
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
