farters have to be the big spoon...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
