Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This is my gift to your gina
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
