it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
