remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
