At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
